IN-Focus

Local Girl Kicks Off Fitness Regime By Googling Gyms She Could Hypothetically Join

  CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With an entire week of holidays remaining before she returns to work, 31-year-old Lisa Dowling has hit a real post-festive season low. "I've put on four kilos and I haven't stopped drinking since the AGM," "I really overdid it with the ham this year.. Not to mention the wine... I fucking hate this time of the year. Well, my body...

Local Dad Agrees They Just Don’t Make Cricketers Like Jeff Thomson Anymore

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite a comprehensive victory over the West Indies by an innings and 212 runs before tea on day three of the first Test in Hobart, local dad, John Pinnington says no current Australian cricketer is as talented, tough and as likeable as the 1970's pace bowler Jeff Thomson. "You lot wouldn't know. When Lillee and Thommo were playing......

Man’s Entire Office Now Knows He Was Watching Very Loud Porn Last Time He Used Laptop

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local man, 28-year-old Dave Sampson has involuntarily informed his entire office of his preferences when it comes to adult films. After running late to work, Mr Sampson was doing his very best to remain under the radar this morning - but very quickly became the centre of attention in his twenty-person office after turning on his laptop. Mr Sampson says...

Trump Appoints Wrestling’s ‘Iron Sheik’ As A Key Middle East Policy Advisor

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In the last few months, the world has watched in awe as a former real estate magnate, businessman, author and professional wrestling identity has risen to become the newest resident in the White House. Donald Trump's recent revelations regarding his proposed changes to US foreign policy, in particular, immigration, has shocked both Americans and the rest of the planet....

Mum’s Hot Flushes Increase Dramatically After Michael Bublé CD Gets Trotted Out Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact CANADIAN PSEDUO-CROONER Michael Bublé has the air con pumping and the fan blades spinning this time or year. Family Christmases across the country are punctuated with open ended questions from mothers, aunts, grandmothers and sisters. Some ask if anybody else is hot? Others just declare that "it's just too fucking hot in here". At any...

New Office Employee Begins Search For ‘420-Friendly’ Co-Workers

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Benjamin Harvey, a newly hired graphic designer at Corporate Signage Australia, has embarked on his low-key yet persistent search for fellow employees who may share similar interests to him. "Brisbane is boring enough as it is. I only just moved here and I need to know where 'my people' are at," says Mr Harvey with a sinister grin. "In an office of 45...

Australian Youth At Risk Of Being Radicalised By Cool Older Cousins

DUSTIN WAGIN | Contributor | CONTACT A new report claims that Australian youth are vulnerable to radicalization by their cousin Brad. With the recent hysteria surrounding lone wolf attacks by gun-wielding extremists in France, Australia and Mali - both ASIO and other Government agencies have been scrambling to find a more efficient way to track and combat radicalization. But with cousin Brad in town this just...

Study Reveals Direct Link Between Cheez TV And Crystal Meth Addiction

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A new study out of the University of Western Australia has revealed a link between use of the illicit substance ice and past viewership of morning children’s show, Cheez TV. Researches have stated that ice users who reminisced fondly of the cartoon variety show were far more likely to become addicts, particularly if they began to recall...

Marty McFly Relieved To Learn That Being White Is Still A Massive Advantage

22 October, 2015. 13:20 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact After not even 24-hours in this century, world-renowned time traveller Marty Mcfly says he is very relieved to learn that his white privilege is still very valid in 2015. "I mean how about my luck!?" says the spritely Californian. "I was really worried that I could have been met with some sort of racial prejudice when...

Uh-Oh Spaghettio! Local Man Realises Pokie Machines Took His Entire Paycheck!

22 October, 2015. 11:20 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Hidden cameras from inside the gaming arcade in Western Sydney's Fairfield RSL have captured hilarious scenes this week - and it's sure to make your sides split! Local blue collar worker, Toolio Runamackus, was recorded having somewhat of a mental breakdown after realising he had just gambled his entire paycheck through several of the venues pokie...

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