Local deregistered cab-driver and former harness-racing promoter Logan Titmus has today decided it might be time for a tree-change, after successfully getting himself banned from every hotel and club in Mackay.

The 49-year-old father-of-6-scattered-across-different-towns-in-central-Queensland is reportedly eyeing off the subtropical regional centre of Biloela, in the heart of the Banana Shire.

The unregistered One Nation voters has cited the sleepy country town’s low-profile as the main reason for his relocation, and the fact that it’s only a short four-hour-drive from the Maryborough Correctional Centre where his old man and three brothers are currently on holidays.

Logan, and the 3 kids he’s willing to take responsibility for, were spotted house-hunting in the region over the weekend. Ideally looking to score something with room for a few extra beds when his bikie mates come through town.

Locals say they aren’t too keen on this kind of riff raff moving into Biloela, especially given Logan’s track record of violating the Queensland’s Drugs Misuse Act of 1986 .

Unfortunately they are ultimately unable to stop him from moving to their town because he was born on Australian soil, to two white people – and has yet to come to the attention of child services for the fact that his kids are sent to school with a 1.25l bottle of Coca-cola each day and maybe a bag of Doritos between them if dads had a win on the laptops.

Logan says his flat out refusal to seek employment comes from a deep-seated hatred of authority figures and the fact that he’s still on compo from when he did his back trying to rig up a trailer for his fuckwit boss when he was working at the Caboolture tip twenty years ago – but he’s still keen for a cashie here and there if you need a courier for something. No questions asked.

While his reputation appears to have followed him from the coast, locals are hoping Logan gets his act together and contributes to their small rural community in the same way other newcomers have in the past.

However, Logan says it sounds like this town is full of snobs who need to mind their own fucken business and stop judging him for shit he’s done in the passed and who gives a fuck if it was ANZAC Day that cunt was asking for it.


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