Victorian Police have arrested 12 people on the second day of climate protests at the IMARC internatinal mining conference at the Melbourne Convention Centre.

One protestor had both legs broken yesterday as the maligned southern police service ordered their mounted cops to charge into a volatile crowd of activists, in what has been described as a very Victorian Police way of de-escalating the situation.

Hundreds of activists from 11 different groups have today returned to block off the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre from about 6am to stop the three-day International Mining and Resources Conference (IMARC).

Violent clashes have been erupting between protesters and riot police outside the mining conference, where one demonstrator repeatedly spat on the oppressed billionaires arriving at the venue.

As things grow more and more hostile, the Victorian Police force have ordered their officers to treat the environmentalists the same way they would treat suburban disability pensioners.

“We’ve ordered our officers to just pretend these hippies are vulnerable, mentally-ill citizens whose doctors are worried about their welfare”

“It’ll make good practice for all future mental health call-outs”

This comes after half a dozen Victorian cops were caught on camera pinning down, striking and dousing a mentally ill Melbourne man with capsicum spray and a garden hose last year, after his psychologist feared for his mental health and asked for a police check up.

As of 30 June 2017, Victoria Police had over 18,440 sworn members, including 152 recruits in training, 2 reservists, 1,390 protective services officers and 3,367 civilian staff across 332 police stations. It had a running cost of approximately A$2.78bn.

Victoria Police enjoys a high level of community confidence among non-Sudanese, mentally well Victorians, and mining executives with more than 86.1% of Victorian residents feeling confident to contact the police. The general satisfaction is also high, with more than 76.9% of Victorian residents satisfied with policing services in general – unless of course they are mentally ill and have fear of being blinded by a lachrymatory agent while several failed AFL recruits drop knees in their spine.

As the protests continue to grow in numbers, it seems the Victorian Police may even need to call on back up from their African Teenagers Wearing Hoodies Taskforce, who haven’t been used since the last election campaign.

They’ve also taken the opportunity to once again remind Melbourne’s female population that it is irresponsible to walk outside.


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