A local man has today worked up the courage to order his first ever cocktail at a trendy bar in Betoota’s meat packing district.

According to Jack Scales (29) the menu may as well have been in Japanese, with none of the cocktail names meaning anything to him at all. After staring at the menu and pretending he knew what he was doing, Scales placed his order.

“I’ll have one expression please.”

It’s understood that the effeminate bartender stared back with a blank look, prompting Scales to hold up the menu and point to his cocktail rather than repeating himself.

“Oh, you want an espresso martini, dolls” said the bartender.

This exchange went smoothly enough, Scales thinking to himself “this cocktail business is piss easy”

His smugness was replaced by confusion shortly after he received his drink and took his first sip. One witness at the scene explains why.

“He just grabbed it, by the scruff of the neck, like a dog”

“He was holding it full grip – it was like he’d never had a cocktail before!” said the horrified onlooker.

Scales, like a pup that’s not sure what he did wrong, looked around at the other patrons who were staring back in shock – being in the trendy part of town they’d never seen a cocktail treated this way before.

Thankfully for Scales it was at this point that his girlfriend arrived, rescuing him from the judgmental eyes piercing his esteem. She quickly showed him glass holding etiquette and the couple continued to enjoy their date. It’s understood that Scales later ordered 24 chicken wings to accompany his next Espresso Martini.

More to come.


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