HAHA WHAT!?? Across Sydney today, fully jabbed residents have been granted new freedoms to drinks piss and look pretty, in what many have dubbed ‘Freedom Day’.

This comes after New South Wales reached the major milestone of having 70 per cent of its over 16 population vaccinated against this fucken virus that has caused so much shit over the last two years.

Across the harbour city today, wedding ceremonies and funerals are now permitted for up to 100 people, up to 10 visitors are allowed in your home and small outdoor gatherings and recreation is permitted for up to 30 people.

Gyms have re-opened with up to 20 people in classes and indoor swimming pools will be reopen for lessons and rehab activities.

Hospitality venues can reopen under a one person per four square metre rule.

However, the most important announcement for Sydney’s glamorous residents is the news that personal services such as hairdressers, beauty salons and massage parlours can reopen with density limits for up to 5 clients.

Right across the city today, hairdressers are rammed, with 5 in the shop and a line down the block, as residents make sure they don’t let anything get in the way between them and some long overdue foils and snips.

This rush to make up for 4 months worth of regrowth has resulted in some what of a psychosis engulfing the people of Sydney today.

Police and business owners are currently on stand by for the very real possibility of physical confrontations taking place both inside and outside the hairdressers.

Double Bay hair stylist, Kylie West says on top of the extremely tense environment that comes with this historic moment, there has also been a lot of deranged comedy.

“I just had a woman call up asking if I could squeeze her in this afternoon” she says, while breaking into a crazed fit of laughter.


“No booking, nothing. Just a phone call hahaha!”

Kylie says delusional requests like this are sending her one inch closer to madness each phone call.

“She honestly asked if we did walk ins??? I just can’t”

“Honey the only walk-ins taking place in this shop will be the cops walking in to arrest me when I lose my mind and shave a Karen’s hair off for fun”


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