KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local Sydney man has outed himself as a deadset fuckwit, demonstrating the nerve to ask a pub owner whether there are any specials on for Freedom Day.
The ludicrously tone-deaf question was poorly received, as Commercial Real Estate Manager and regular fuckhead Jarrod Oakley (29) wrongly assumed his humour was welcome in the licensed premise.
“Fuck it’s good to be back aye”, said the brash individual holding up the queue of patrons at the bar.
“Are you guys doing any specials, HA HA!”
“What about the $12 Steak and Chips youse used to run on Mondays…”
“Surely ya gonna put that back on the menu for us…”
The naive attempt at humour was met with disdain by crippled publican Bill Burleigh, who was recently forced to remortgage his family home to keep the lights on during lockdown.
“No, you’ll be paying 10 bucks a schooner til I’m back in the black” replied Bill.
“I haven’t seen a dollar since June and so you can cough up $25 for a schnitzel like everyone else here.”
“And while you’re at it, there won’t be a single Happy Hour til after Christmas!’.
Speaking privately to The Advocate about the state of the books, Bill has confided to our reporters that he’s at a crossroads on the best way to crawl back from near bankruptcy.
“I can’t find anyone to pour for me cos all the Brits have gone back to London.”
“I’ll have to put a $10 charge on the door for Trivia Tuesdays, cos none of those University fuckheads buy a drink when they come to Harry Potter themed trivia.”
“All they do is stink up the beer garden with their Watermelon vapes and ask if I’m forking out for the UFC next weekend.”
“As soon as Aristocrat give me a call I’ll be putting in another 15 Brickies Laptops, straight into the beer garden.”
“And if one more Touch Footy Team has the hide to ask me to sponsor them, lord help me.”
The Advocate attempted to reproach Mr Fuckwit Jarrod for further comment, but he was too busy searching the Web for an UberEats coupon to use for his Thai dinner.