Local straight man Brendan Cootes was taken by his girlfriend Elise Ng to a gay bar yesterday, something that was a bit of an eye-opener for the regional man.

“Yeah Elise wanted to go because her workmate was doing a bit of drag and I said ‘Yeah why not!’” stated Cootes.

“It was mad as ”

According to Cootes’ girlfriend however, her boyfriend had his constant nerves well on display as he insisted on smiling at everyone who walked past their table for the entire evening.

“At first it was kind of cute, then it was unnecessary until it turned just straight up scary,” stated Ng while rubbing her eyes in a futile attempt to erase the memory of her boyfriend’s many toothed smile.

Even the club photographer Wayne Bitley (56) who claims to have seen it all, believes Cootes’ constant smiling had a Hill Have Eyes energy that made him feel unsafe.

“He was like a half-chopped tree,” stated Bitely, closing his eyes as he deleted photos of Cootes’ beady eyes red raw due to flash.

“Even Big Pete at the door wouldn’t go near him and I saw him punch on with Boy George once.” 

However, if you ask the man himself, Cootes will state he was ‘just trying to be friendly and show his unwarranted approval. 

“Puts a smile on your face!” 


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