Conservative Murdoch news publishers around the country are today doing their best to not acknowledge the fact that they have spent 6 months openly defending a convicted pedophile, in major newspapers and television panel shows.

This follows the breaking news out of Melbourne this morning that Australia’s most notorious rock spider will likely die in prison, despite the hard efforts of John Howard, Tony Abbott and Murdoch mouthpiece Andrew Bolt.

Cardinal George Pell, the former 3rd highest-ranking official in the Catholic Church had his appeal for child sex crimes quashed this morning.

The low dog rock spider lost his appeal against his convictions over sexual offences against two choir boys in Melbourne in the 1990’s.

However, this news comes as an inconvenience to the conservative narrative that the most dangerous people walking our streets are in fact not priests, but black kids who wear hoodies.

Sky News and Herald Sun reporters have been urged by the lizards that work above them to avoid the Pell case altogether, and instead go down to Sunshine and watch South Sudanese teenagers playing basketball – in a hope a fight might break out.

Muslims are also expected to be use a race-bait in today’s news cycle, as the deeply conservative media networks do their best to pretend that the highest-ranking Catholic figure in Australian history didn’t just get sent to prison for the rest of his life for raping kids.

If neither are possible, reporters have been told to go look for people with modified street cars, or shopping centres with too many signs in Chinese.


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