With the world looking on in disbelief at the unfolding military situation in Ukraine, our Prime Minister has made his strongest comments yet on the issue.

Fronting the media with his latest distraction, Scott Morrison has vowed to protect the sacred Chicken Kiev from tyrannical Russian overlords.

“This is not just an attack on the people of Ukraine, this is an attack on one of the most delicious dishes mankind has ever created,” said Morrison today.

“And I won’t stand for it.”

Chicken Kiev is a dish made of chicken fillet pounded and rolled around cold butter, then coated with egg and bread crumbs, and either fried or baked.

Originating from the Ukraine capital, which is technically spelt Kyiv, the dish is one of the hallmarks of Ukrainian culture.

They can be found in any good freezer, and at a butcher, if you are feeling like a bit more of an ooh la la dinner.

“We’ve had two years of limited food supply. And if we lose the Chicken Kiev, god help us all,” said Morrison, who has never had a Chicken Kiev in his life, but wants to pretend like he does to relate to the everyman.

“If we let the Chicken Kiev fall into Russian hands, where does it end?”

“The Berliner? The Yorkshire Pudding?”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here