TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
As we are all learning, life is just so unfair sometimes. So unfair. We have to stay isolated away from our friends and our beloved pubs, we don’t even have our favourite sports teams on TV to get us through – unless your favourite team is horse 4 in the last at Randwick, then you have a sport to watch.
And while we are all doing it pretty tough at the moment, one privately-educated boy is finding it particularly stressful – so stressful that he’s had to up his Valium prescription.
Sitting down with The Advocate for a Skype call, Jasper Smithfield III attempted to explain why he was feeling self-isolation more than the rest of the country, the world in fact.
“Bro, this is fucked”
“They’ve closed Betoota Beach so me and the borrs can’t even go throw the frisbee”
“What am I supposed to do then? Stay at home all day?”
It’s worth noting that Jasper lives in his parents 6-bedroom, 4-bathroom Betoota Sounds mansion that has a pool, gym and tennis court.
“The government can’t expect me to stay cooped up in there all day! I’m going to have to get out of the city… I just don’t know where to go”
“Do I go to the farm in the Diamantina Highlands? Or to the beach house at Byron?”
“But if I go to the farm I’ll have to feed the cows, I’m not doing that for shit”
“Yeah, maybe I’ll go down to Byron, a friend of a friend knows Chris – Hemsworth I mean, we call him Chris – so we could probs do a few gym seshs together”
The interview ended with a visibly pathetic Jasper breathing heavily into a paper bag, who turned off his camera after realising our reporter could still see him.
More to come.
