CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A desperate Prime Minister Morrison has today made an effort to mend his relationship with the remaining female MPs within his government, after Julia Banks resigned from the Liberal Party on Tuesday, a decision that has plunged the Morrison Government further into minority.
Banks’ decision to leave the party sends a devastating message to voters that the Liberal Party is hostile to women. It’s an issue that Morrison is eager to resolve after learning that Bill Shorten is somehow being viewed as a feminist icon when placed in comparison to him.
Morrison has today made the executive decision to listen to every single record released by iconic female American pop star Beyoncè Knowles. From her seminal teenage albums with Destiny’s Child, right through to her most recent release under the band name The Carters, with her husband Jay-Z.
“I just want my Queens to slay” said the Prime Minister.
“And it seems like Julia [Banks] is of the opinion that the party decided to dip and now we wanna trip”
Morrison says he was first alerted to his party’s gender division on Monday, when he walked into Julia Banks’ Parliamentary office to find her putting everything in a box to the left.
“She told me, in no uncertain terms, that she could have another [party leader] in a minute”
Morrison asked the former Director of Corporate Affairs for Kraft Foods Asia-Pacific if there was any chance she could find it in her to make some lemonade of of the systematic sexism she faces every day.
Banks responded by saying that things were fine at home and that she was leaving the Liberal Party because she was constantly being intimidated and bullied by a far-right faction of namely Craig Kelly MP, Peter Dutton and Tony Abbott that honestly think this country is being tricked by elitist progressives into saving the environment and treating homosexuals like humans, despite having every major newspaper in their pocket – and are in turn taking their frustrations out on their assertive female colleagues with public ambitions that may be misleading young Australian women into thinking they can find a rewarding life outside of the kitchen and may be part of the reason that their daughters don’t speak to them anymore.
Morrison gazed into the distance and nodded as Julia Banks explained her reasons, before explaining to Ms Banks that he now has 100 problems.