Overgrown bushland that has been left unkept because the national parks budget has been slashed and the number of rangers has been halved is the number one biggest threat to Australian wildlife and rural communities, it has been confirmed.

That’s according to Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing, as he continues his half-hearted rhetoric that the rural communities that have been ravaged by this summer’s unprecedented bushfires are to blame for their own misfortune.

While ignoring all the climate scientist reports that find the biggest factor behind this year’s catastrophic bushfire season was the fact that Australia is much hotter and drier than it has ever been before – as well as ignoring the reports by fire chiefs that hazard reduction burning in these conditions is more dangerous than helpful – Scotty From Marketing yesterday declared hazard reduction could be more important than emissions reduction in protecting Australia from increasingly dangerous bushfire seasons.

Mr Morrison has also revealed the government was considering a way to name and shame states which don’t complete required hazard reduction burns.

“Hazard reduction is as important as emissions reduction,” the prime minister told the 38,000 people that watch Peta Credlin on the safe conservative echo chamber of Sky News on Tuesday nights.

“Many would argue even more so, because it has a direct practical impact on the safety of a person going into a bushfire season – and it’s something I can redirect focus towards when people start asking me questions about why I bury climate change reports and allow multinational mining corporations to fuck our country without neither a kiss or any taxes”

Mr Morrison flagged clear national standards for meeting hazard reduction targets, along with a review of land-clearing laws, native vegetation rules and allowing grazing in national parks.

“The only way to defeat these bushfires that have killed close to a billion native animals and 23 Australians is to allow cattle and tree loppers into our national parks. It’s the only way”

“I know there’s a very small minority of people that argue maybe we should stop allowing the Chinese and India to rip 30% of global coal exports out of Australian soil, and maybe we should stop allowing these same mining companies access to trillions of litres of groundwater – but, these people aren’t educated on the issue.”

“The issue is, that a fictional collection of made-up greens councillors and non-existent state MPs are stopping our wildly underfunded firefighters and parks rangers from engaging in Aboriginal land management practices”

“We all know that burning fossil fuels at an accelerated rate for 300 years is not as bad for our planet as long grass”

“and you all know me, I think the Aboriginal community always has the answers. I just want to give them the opportunity to advise us on how to allow the agricultural sector in our conservation zones”


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