NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian’s plan to excessively monitor the recreational activities of young people appears to be working against her today, after her own government accidentally applied the same standards to her idea of fun.

This follows the lifting of a nationwide suppression order has allowed media to report that Pell has been found guilty of sexually abusing two choirboys when he was archbishop of Melbourne.

These revelations have been timed poorly, just days after the announcement by NSW Racing Minister Paul Toole that organisers of celebratory ‘festivals’ or festivities must obtain a licence under the coalition’s new licensing regime.

Festivals that appeal to baby boomers, such as the Sydney Festival, and Day On The Green – have been labelled ‘low risk’- meaning they can obtain a free license from the Government just by asking.

However, anything that appeals to young people, such as music festivals or any form of a party – is likely to be labelled ‘high-risk’. This means organisers will be given a couple days warning and have to pay $200,000 for user-pay police officers to monitor the event.

However, due to the NSW Coalition Government’s delusional voter profiling that suggests young people are happy to do nothing with themselves except go to work and Church on Sundays, it appears Easter is at risk of being ruined by these news laws.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian is believed to be ‘ropeable’ this afternoon upon learning that her highly anticipated Easter ceremony in Parliament House has been labelled a ‘high-risk’ festival – due to the likelihood of someone getting molested.

“This is absolute rubbish. These laws aren’t mean to apply to people my age, or my friends” said the Premier.

“Pingers are far worse for young people then the systemic culture of child abuse in the Catholic Church… Festivals ruin lives”

A spokesperson for the Catholic Church has indicated that while they definitely have enough money in the kitty to pay $200,000 each time they want to have a service – they would appreciate it if non-believers would stop holding their entire institution accountable for the actions of a couple bad eggs.

“We can’t be held responsible for the 20% of our clergyman accused of child abuse, as either perpetrators or protectors” said the spokesperson.

“Just because the third highest ranking Catholic in the world is a convicted child molester, it doesn’t mean all of us are.”


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