WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

The country’s workforce has been coerced into being incredibly productive this morning, as most of the major social media platforms struggle with technical issues.

In pleasant news for the nation’s employers, and middle managers who enjoy riding their employees to validate their existence, all platforms owned by Facebook are down, causing an incredible uptick in productivity.

With desk drones unable to scroll through Facebook and Instagram and hordes of people unable to post photo’s on WhatsApp, it’s believed that an incredible amount of work has been done before lunch – an amount not seen since Kesha punishing people with Tik Tok.

The technical issues have The Advocate newsroom twiddling thumbs this morning, with some reporters actually deciding to head to a local council meeting and Errol off for a fish on Lake Betoota.

A spokesperson from the Productivity Commission explained that it’s the most work around the country that’s actually been done since the Parramatta Eels and St Kilda actually knew how to play football.

“It’s been incredible this morning,” said Beau Racrát from the Productivity Commission.

“We’ve even had reports coming in that apprentices have been having conversations with their bosses at smoko, instead ‘of burying their heads in that fucking smartphone.'”

“It’s all going to go downhill once everything comes back online.”

“I guess the message is don’t expect too much this afternoon.”


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