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If someone had told local man Jarryd Thorne that being a married father would be less baseball catching moments and more crocodile tears and supermarket tantrums, he might have thought twice about reaching the ultimate adult milestone.
Which isn’t to say he doesn’t feel blessed and grateful and all that blah blah blah, but he’d kill to have a responsibility-free night with the boys again and to know he can get shitfaced without reaping the consequences.
A feeling that his wife, Lisa, is sure to be experiencing in spades, considering she’s the one looking after the kids most of the time.
But what feels like an eternity of 9 pm bedtimes is set to be temporarily reprieved as his good friend Gavin is having his bucks party in exactly 14 days, twelve hours and thirty-three minutes.
Doing the standard bucks night, Jarryd is reportedly dying to let off some steam even though his piss fitness is at a point where even three beers could see him over the edge.
In actuality, it’s likely Jarryd would deal with his new life as a responsible father a bit better if he had a hobby other than drinking VB’s and listening to podcasts, or made more of an effort with his mates, who are more than happy to bring him along for shenanigans.
This is instead of using the excuse of having a ‘ball buster’ wife who needs him at home – when in actual fact Lisa is more than happy for her husband to fuck off so she can have some cheeky mimosas and complain about her children with the other Betoota West Primary School mums.
For now, Jarryd will make do with beers with the boys and the opportunity to spend a night reminiscing about the good old times, when they all had more hair and the feeling of hopeful immortality that slowly fades away one hair follicle at a time.
More to come.
