ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Local woman Ella Clarke is done with the bullshit.
There’s only so much one person can take and Ella’s bullshit quota has been sucked dry. After nine months of on-again, off-again nonsense, Ella is finally doing what she should have done ages ago – letting Jack go.
Of course this decision can’t be reached without a long consultation with the girls via a group chat, who’ve all been silently waiting for this day to come.
“I’m SO done with him”, declares Ella, without any followup, “fucking OVER HIS BULLSHIT.”
As Ella waits for her friends to fall for her dramatic clickbait, which at this point has become a weekly popcorn moment for the girls, she screenshots her latest text chain with Jack – as big life decisions can’t be made without thoroughly dissecting and analysing every word in search of deeper meaning.
“Okay so he says he’s like, sorry for not having the chat sooner and he figured I just knew it wasn’t an exclusive relationship because I’d only met his mum once”, types Ella.
“And that he’s still really cut up over his last relationship that ended in seventh grade and he just can’t see himself getting his heart broken again?”
“But he’d still like to have me in his life. What does he mean by that?”
“I don’t know. I’d still like to be friends with him though.”
When Ella is met with a chorus of ‘NOOOO’S’ and facepalm gifs, she promises she’ll cut off all contact with Jack and never see him again. Ever!
However, it’s alleged that her Snapchat location was later mysteriously switched to private, which has led the girls to believe she was lying out of her ass.
More to come.