ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The greasy-haired fuck who runs the Betoota Heights Franklins has admitted to The Advocate today that sometimes, he arbitrarily raises the prices of items just to see how much people are willing to pay.

What Brett Chambers didn’t take into account is that other supermarkets in the area also raise their prices along with the Roger Road Franklins, creating periods of localized inflation without any real basis in reality.

“We have this guy who comes in and buys up all the Red Rock chips on Thursdays, so I raised the price on Wednesday night just to see what would happen,” said the 42-year-old.

“He didn’t even care. He pushed his cart over there and put all 40 bags in his trolley. He didn’t mind that it would cost him $23.50 more than last week; he just wants his chips.”

“But it’s not only people with a chip addiction who do this. I can increase prices across the board, and it doesn’t deter people from coming in. It’s ridiculous. Our profits are skyrocketing. Our Franklins store is one of the best-performing in the country. It’s no secret what I’m doing.”

“People will cut back on almost everything except food, alcohol, and cigarettes. They’ll still put money into poker machines before depositing it in the bank. To millions of Australians, inflation is just a word that well-dressed old folks on TV use to describe when things have gone downhill and it’s time for the working man to suffer. It’s a shame, but you know what they say, ‘fleece or be fleeced’.”

More to come.


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