TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

Looking down at his sloppy rig, Jerome Smeeth wonders how the hell he let his rig get so out of hand – especially in the lead up to summer.

Despite multiple attempts at dieting and countless personal trainers, Phil just wasn’t getting any thinner.

It was a smoggy Thursday morning when the sausage roll lover had the idea, it struck him like lightening he said.

“I can’t lose weight out here, there are too many distractions and temptations”

“The only way I’m going to get my rig back is if I’m in Jail”

“Did you see how ripped 50 Cent got after he went to jail?”

“I mean, I got that from his movie, but still”

“All people in jail have to do is focus on their rig and pass time”

“Oh, and not get shanked”

“Spose the trick is getting sent to the right prison, like one of those farm prisons would be good”

At the time of press, Jerome was researching the Australian legal system to see what crimes he could commit to be sent to Rosewood, a medium-security prison on the outskirts of Betoota.

More to come.


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