Local man Phillip Wells says you can eat a banh mi at any time of day, which is why he likes to smash one at smoko with his half litre of energy drink.

Born from the trauma of French coloniliasm, banh mis, or Vietnamese pork rolls are now one of the favourite meals around Australia.

Made by cutting a traditional baguette dough with rice flour, banh mis are a symphony of pork and fresh salad which combine to make a delicious culinary fuck you to the French.

With this in mind, it makes it all the more odd that a learned man like Wells would opt for a wholemeal banh mi which even coeliacs can agree is a markedly worse experience.

“It just adds a bit of extra wholegrain goodness,” stated Wells, washing his lesser roll down with a caffeinated, carbonated gulp of sugar.

“Does anyone want my tomato?”

While we can all agree to keep tomato the fuck out of a banh mi, Wells will keep defying logic by ordering a moderately healthier version of a treat alongside a bevy with a loaf of white bread worth of sugar.


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