EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
A local man has asserted his dominance in a public bathroom by deliberately choosing the middle urinal, it’s reported.
Troy Chapman, a local rum pig and man of questionable ethics, has thrown all bathroom etiquette out the door by deliberately choosing the middle urinal right off the bat.
As an unspoken rule, the urinal code states that if a man is to enter a bathroom first, he must immediately go for the outer porcelain. Especially if there are only three urinals available.
Like choosing a seat next to someone on a bus when there’s an entire row free, picking the middle urinal isn’t exactly illegal. But it is fucking weird. Or alpha, depending on how you look at it.
Our reporter, who for some reason keeps finding herself involved in penile related conversations, asks Troy what the fux scarn on.
“Why shouldn’t I?” says Troy, who probably picked the wings off flies as a kid,
“Might pipe up a little conversation if the moment calls for it.”
“Fuck it, depending on how drunk I am I might even taken the hands off the wheel and stretch my arms haha.”
“You ever seen a grown pull a no-hander at the urninal, Effie?”, our reporter pauses and then nods her head.
When querying a few of the beta blokes who witnessed this moment of pub dominace, our reporter learns that Troy’s behaviour isn’t just considered downright unethical, but also quite hindering to the peeing process.
“Yeah it’s not good for momentum”, says one local bloke.
“Aw fuck that”, says another, grimacing in solidarity, “nothing slams your urethra shut quicker than rubbing shoulders with a stranger.”
More to come.