LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
It has long been acknowledged that drinking at home allows for a more experimental and less costly inebriation where societal norms are brushed aside and NRL careers are marred forever.
A pitfall of binging on home-styled beverages is the squeaky wheel effect of the non-alcoholic mixing ingredients including the tickled throat of orange juice mixed with goon as well as Vanilla Coke’s ability to imbue your body with all the qualities of a drowned, bloated corpse.
Yet second to none is the unholy hangover derived from many cups of Kahlua & Milk, a lesson learnt too late for French Quarter local Debbie Storm (34).
During an impromptu evening of minesweeping the dregs of their dwindling liquor cabinet, Storm shared a bottle of Kahlua in exchange for the milk her housemate Fiona Marsh (32) provided, even though she’d already said the milk was for everyone.
After a long evening of drinking and looking up opening credits of childhood TV shows on YouTube, Storm passed out only faintly aware of the lactose and sugar storm brewing inside her.
Waking at 1:15 pm the following day, Storm made it halfway to the bathroom before realising how hard she had fucked up.
“Dear Christ,” stated Storm as she wondered whether she’d need the toilet seat up or down for what she was about to do.
“The milk…it’s crushing me from within…”
According to Storm, she has had many sharp and bitter hangovers throughout her life, but a night spent demolishing litres of sweet coffee liqueur mixed with the life milk of another creature has really packed that extra wobble.
“I should have listened to mum…I’d hate my life but it would still be better than this…”
“All the problems in the world and we don’t have any ideas…we don’t have a clue…not a fucking clue.”
At the time of writing, Storm was last spotted moving her computer and bedding to the bathroom for convenience as well as having her post forwarded there as well.