A local man is carrying on today, it can be confirmed.

Tom Mitchell has been convicted of doing so this weekend, after acting like he’s the first person to ever discover a niche alcoholic drink before. 

“Oi, have one of these,” he yelled at a mate after obnoxiously walking into the gathering with a case on his shoulder. 

Continuing to carry on like a rat in an empty restaurant, the man then continued to throw his voice around the gathering. 

“They’re like the new seltzer, I’ve called it, you read it here first” continued Mitchell, who reckons he discovered this ‘mad new Michael Jordan doco’ last year. 

The loudmouth local engineer who rolled into a mate’s birthday thing solidly late, then continued to hijack multiple conversations by pitching the new drink to the group. 

“Like soda water and some Japanese liquor” he laughed, ripping the case open like a wound up townie kid on Christmas morning. 

The man with a case of -196 Double Lemon booze on his arm then settled into his business of excitedly talking nonsense with some mates he hadn’t seen for a little while, in between puffs of a little thing he pioneered called a ‘vape.’

“Jesus, imagine if he went to Mr Yen’s Liquor Store down in the Flight Path District,” said one of his friends. 

“He’d have his little mind blown if he saw some of the stuff they sell down there.” 

“He’s acting like a terrace house resident who just had their first sip of Kombucha.”

“And the excitement levels he’s displaying right now, he’s a spitting image” 

More to come. 


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