As the Extinction Rebellion kicks into day-three in capital cities around Australia, the nation’s online purveyors of identity politics say that the cause is nearly mainstream enough for them to join in.

Wyatt Maile (32) is one of these heavyweights. His important work as culture website content creator see him hitting big numbers on Twitter in with searing reporting about fleeting social trends in rapidly-ageing Gen-Y lingo.

In fact, he has actually crowned himself as one of the first ‘journalists’ to steal the Engadine Maccas rumour from Twitter and put it into an article.

But when it comes to putting his boots on the ground, Wyatt’s brand of progressive politics kind of stops at his terrace house doorstep, the same place he grabs a $40 pad kee mao, five-nights a week from the subcontinental who ride mopeds across the city on $5 per hour.

Unless some sort of issue arises with a lack racial diversity amongst the guests speakers at these Rebellion protests, he’s not really gonna look at them any closer than he looked at the Jussie Smollett incident.

In fact, the last protest he went to was a rally against nightclub lock-outs, or something, back when ScoMo was still hoarding young families in Nauru as Immigration Minister.

When it comes to protesting against the acceleration of carbon emissions along Australia’s already fragile Eastern coastline, Wyatt leaves the activism to people who aren’t interesting in travelling to Burning Man next year and can afford the recorded convictions that would see them banned from travelling to North America under this current President.

So far, the Extinction Rebellion hasn’t even popped off in his WokeTwitter echo chamber, outside of a few commentators who accused the protests of being ableist for not knitting enough wheelchair-friendly bee costumes.

But as the environmentalists continue to put themselves on no-fly-lists and in the back of paddy wagons in the name of securing a future for humankind, Wyatt is starting to think their might be more expected of him as a leftie.

“Arghhh” he says to his colleagues.

“This is like, a big deal. Bigger than Keep Sydney Open, guys. Sorry. People.”

“I’ll see if the boss will let me head down there to cover it.”

“I’d fully join in but I used up all my long service leave at Dark Mofo”

Wyatt quickly scans his computer monitor for one of his 5-minutely Twitter notification endorphin hits, before realising he still hasn’t finished the task at hand.

“Actually. I’m gonna have to do a rain check. I’ve got to finish this op-ed on why The Joker humanises people with mental health issues that causes them do things that I don’t like” he says.

“I’m only like halfway through it. I need 5000-words, and then I’ve got another Chappelle hit-piece to churn out again before Friday”

“Fingers crossed they keep it up! I might go down on Saturday”


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