Prime Minister Scott Morrison has effectively abandoned his promise to establish a federal anti-corruption watchdog, citing his reason as Labor’s lack of support for his amendments – and how he would never win an election again if we all knew how corrupt the government really is.

Although Scotty pledged to legislate a federal integrity body in parliament before the 2019 election, the part-time PM has now admitted he was “just throwing shit at the wall” and that he ‘can’t seriously believe we thought he’d go through with it.’

“Mate, getting rid of news coverage on pork barrelling is just a phone call away right now, why on Earth would I want to get rid of that?” stated Scotty during a photo shoot where he was pretending to do someone else’s job, this time the leader of the Australian Liberal Party.

“Plus, we’d never get to have any fun with the AFP ever again.”

“You think witness K is frightening, wait until you hear about witnesses L through to X. Which thankfully, you never will.”

“Personally I think Australians should be grateful I’m not setting up a federal ICAC because we’d put so many backdoors into that watered-down doozy and pack it with enough former LNP MPs to power a coal mine.”

“That’s the sort of thing a federal ICAC would tell you, if we had one, which thank God, we don’t.” 


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