ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The most middle-class people in the country are tuned into a sporting spectacle happening somewhere in America right now.

It’s a big enough game for James William, a 29-year-old guy that still lives with his happily married parents in their six-bedroom Hotondo tent in Betoota Heights they purchased in 1997 as part of a local house and land package, to stream the game on his phone while at work.

For James William, that’s something out of the ordinary.

“I could get in trouble for doing this,” said the business development executive at Ray White Betoota Heights.

“But it’s such a big game. If the Lakers win this one, they, uh, I think that’s it? It’s the 2023 Western Semifinals. Of which they play like seven games? I think that’s right,”

“I just can’t have the boss catch me [laughs] Come to think of it, he’s probably in his office right now watching it too on his Samsung Galaxy! [laughs] Oh man, it’s such a close game.”

A study into the Australian basketball fan conducted by the CSIRO in 2019 found that some of the nation’s most inoffensive, polite, awkwardly meek and harmless young men list the sport they call “broomless quidditch” in South Australia as their number one.

Basketball stands out as being the outer-suburban middle-class sport of choice, a position that it’s enjoyed since head-knock panic swept through junior rugby league in recent years.

James William laughed at that assessment, telling The Advocate that he’s done plenty of “naughty things” in his day.

“Well, I vape for one,” he said.

“I also ran over someone’s dog last year and I didn’t stop. It was late at night and I went around the block to check to see if it was still alive and it was very much not alive. It was blasted over the road like a split beanbag. Anyway, there’s that. That’s not something a harmless bed-wetter would do, is it?”

“I’m also into stuff you need a set of plastic bedsheets for. Do you want me to elaborate?”

Our reporter indicated that they did not.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here