TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

Bill Messenger has been the lead detective on a number of Betoota’s most mysterious crimes, all of which he single-handedly solved.

So, when it comes to his deductive abilities, he’s second to none.

Unable to turn off his incredible mind, an off-duty Bill has found himself drawing some pretty solid conclusions about a grown man sitting at the same pub as him.

“See those scabs on his elbows and knees?” He says to our reporter who happened to be at the scene.

“They’re about 4-days old, given it’s a Thursday evening and they’ve already matured it’s safe to conclude he obtained the injuries on Saturday night or early Sunday morning.”

“The man is about 40, and 40 year old’s don’t usually parade their scabs as proudly as this man”

“So, at this stage, I have drawn two conclusions about the man”

“He is either, a) a skateboarder or b) a piss wreck.”

The findings have caused a lot of discussions back at Advocate HQ, with reporters unable to agree on what’s worse; being a 40-year-old who thinks it’s still cool to skateboard or being a 40-year-old who’s still a piss wreck.   

According to Bill, both options are frowned upon. “I would be ashamed of myself, either way, grow up and sort out your life, for god’s sake.”

Bill then went on to pull out a cigar and light it, ignoring the protests of the bar staff who insisted it’s illegal.

“I am the law,” he said.

More to come.


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