Prime Minister Antony Albanese has today revealed an eyebrow-raising feature of a potential new policy.

The PM has confirmed he is interested in signing up for Joe Biden’s push to limit global methane emissions by 30% from 2020 levels by the end of the decade.

To achieve that, Albanese says he’ll be introducing a landmark new regulation that will ban dad from having chickpeas.

“If we as a nation and a world want to reduce methane emissions, we need to stop the old boy from having a run at the legumes,” explained Albanese.

“A big fella with a head of wind up can contribute as much methane as the nation’s landfill.”

This comes as mum insists on serving up a weekly alternative plant-based meal, which always results in the same consequence.

While dad always makes the same shitty 3 or 4 pasta/steak-based meals, mum has never faltered on her quest to try and make the family a little healthier.

However, under the new communist government, that could be no more, with Albanese now dictating what people can and can’t have for dinner.

“People need to make sacrifices going forward,” explained the PM.

“I’m not really sure why anyone would have an issue with this policy either, given what gets put into the atmosphere could knock out a fully grown male hippo.”

“Prunes and other dried fruits could be on the list in coming years as well,” he explained.

More to come.


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