EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
A chick that used to run around the school oval neighing like a horse has allegedly tied the knot today, much to the disbelief of her schoolmates.
It’s alleged Tara Young  had a beautiful lakeside wedding with her high school sweetheart Nathan, just minutes from Betoota Grove’s sailing club.
With not a single member of the equine species in sight, Tara’s wedding was surprisingly tasteful and high end, considering she spent the majority of her formative years pretending to be an animal – to the extent that her year nine biting incident was now part of high school lore, second only to the science room beaker rumour.
Our reporter Effie reaches out to a couple of her schoolmates for comments, and learns that the feeling of shock is widespread.
“You’re kidding me, right?”, asks her year 8 gym partner, Sophie, “she’s married?”
“How is she of all people hitched up? I can’t even get a text back.”
Another classmate, Laura, echoes a similar statement.
“Like I get doing that shit when you’re 9, but I’m fairly sure she was still jumping over seats at 14?”
“She ran our cross-country race AS A HORSE.”
“Committed to neighing and snorting the entire FIVE FUCKING LAPS.”
“I feel kind of depressed now.”
Effie tried to reach out to Tara for further comments but was told she was too busy preparing for the upcoming Miss Rockabilly Pinup Pageant.
More to come.