FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

In a bold move, a local used car dealer has claimed every single car on the lot was previously owned and cherished by various elderly woman, who used them only to drive to the local churches and monthly CWA Meetings. 

“Mate, all these great cars are 100% guaranteed to have been owned by a little old lady, and you can take one home today. You know; a car, not an old lady hahaha,” explained Gordon Farkas, Sales Manager at Honest John’s Respectable Car Trustorium .

“We only deal in little old lady cars because they have been looked after so carefully and never thrashed. Like this VS Commodore. See, bog standard, although I understand the little old lady did have it lowered so it was easier to get in and out of, and her hearing wasn’t so great, which explains why she got the 3000 watt sound system”. 

“At first I wasn’t sure if he was serious” explained single mother Sandra Jellyns.

“But then I asked the salesman if he was serious, and he said he was. He showed me something called a Pulsar SSS which stands for Scone Shifting Sedan because apparently they were mainly used to take scones to the Country Fair.”

“It even has a big scone cooling wing screwed to the back and an intercooler on the front, which is something to do with refrigerating the cream or something”.  

Meanwhile, 17 year old Ian Humble is eagerly signing on the dotted line after purchasing his first car, a BA Falcon.

“I’m not really a car guy, so it’s lucky the guys here know what they’re on about. Apparently BA stands for Bowling Association, because they are really popular with the lawn bowls crowd.”

“The little old lady who owned this car must have really cared for it because the bonnet is protected with a carbon fibre wrap and she even took the mags off the back and put steel rims on instead so she didn’t wear the original tyres out.”  


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