WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

Car Manufacturers looking to the future have today made a huge new announcement.

With the two major political parties trading blows and treading water on Electric Vehicle policy, a number of international manufacturers have gotten on the front foot.

A consortium of EV producers has revealed a new ‘Fuck Off Cannon’ feature for a designated number of Australian vehicles.

The announcement follows the government’s plan to pay businesses to install charging stations, a move that the industry says is nowhere near enough to help the nation transition to a sustainable and climate-friendly motoring economy.

However, it’s hoped that this new move will pick up the slack from our leaders.

Named after the historical weapon used to fire artillery, the extremely loud type of muffler will be attached to electric vehicles that are exported to Australia – because our car manufacturing industry was allowed to die by numerous state and federal governments who didn’t treat it like the fossil fuels industry.

Normally found on Lancers, Pulsar’s, flat tray utes and older model 4WD’s, the cannon feature will allow regional and rural men to let it rip when exiting quiet residential streets or tearing onto the highway.

It’s believed the feature will have on/off functionality allowing people to turn it off, if they feel like it for some reason.

A spokesperson for Ford explained that the cannon will off course be electric.

“Precision manufacturing will allow micro speakers with huge amplification to produce the noise required to satisfy hot-blooded blokes who don’t live in the inner city.”

“But you won’t be able to modify it to make it absurdly loud, unfortunately.”

“That is the downside.”

“It will probably be out of reach for P-platers of middle and low-class parents for a little while as well.”

“But, you gotta start somewhere.”

The cannon feature is hoped to be available in Australia by the end of 2022.


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