A damning report into employee performance has unveiled a commercial deep fryer at a town pool is the only person that actually does their job.

The report comes following an extensive publicly funded inquiry into Betoota’s local council, which assessed the proficiency and suitability of all employees on the books.

Despite featuring on the same payroll as numerous high paid councillors and local community celebrities, the 29L dual basket FastFri deep fryer was the only employee that proved they were worth a paycheck.

Speaking to the manager of the Betoota District Sports and Recreation Centre, Glen Haven (42), the FastFri system has reportedly been feeding the local community for years.

“We fire it up every day about 6am, it works hard well into the late afternoon and never skips a beat!” said Mr Glenn Haven.

“Scallops, chips, even the odd pluto pup… I reckon she’d get through about 50 kilos of chips in the height of summer when the kids are around.”

“We even threw a Mars Bar into the mix last year at the Christmas party and it came out perfect.”

When asked about the local councils proposal to feature the FastFri in the next Australia Day community Awards, Mr Glen Haven agreed the machine was worthy of a certificate based on it’s continued contribution to tourism and hospitality. 

“That FastFri’s been going for over 10 years, some say it does the best food in town.”

“And you know the trick to a good potato scallop? You only change the oil once a year.”

“I went to Brisbane once, had some chips at the cricket and they were limp as lettuce.”

“Everyone knows if they come down to the Betoota Pool for lunch they’ll get a perfectly crispy potato cake dusted in chicken salt and it’ll be the best and only thing you’ll taste all year.”

The Advocate understands that following an internal vote, the other 276 pages of the council’s efficiency and performance report would remain unpublished and burned in a vat of oil at the next council meeting. 


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