LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In a recent case of ‘sounds about right’, it has been revealed that the nation’s conservative population has no problem changing pronouns when paying fealty to our royal British overlords.
In what was unfortunately the biggest change to an Australian public holiday in recent history, the Queen’s Birthday public holiday will now be referred to as the King’s Birthday because that’s how monarchy works apparently.
Somehow, the gendered change of this public holiday has done nothing to outrage the moderate Australian bigot nor has the fact that this public holiday changes date every year.
Although certain right leaning publications within the Australian media, and the LadBible weirdly, can’t seem to get enough of individuals changing their personal pronouns, making a whole country change the name of a long weekend is no big deal so just have some fucken’ respect you little shit.
“Humans might not be able to change their gender but a public holiday can,” stated reporter Louis Burke’s uncle Brynden Burke, a man who has ruined five family BBQs this year alone and is the reason Louis did not attend his own family birthday celebration this year.
“I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like the King’s Birthday is trying to compete in the Olympics so why would I give a shit?”
Despite deliberately deadnaming and misgendering every noteworthy trans or non-binary person alive, deadshits like uncle Brynden are happy to set aside their outrage of 21st century gender conventions because royals are people too and this jetski isn’t going to ride itself.
“Lou, mate, it’s just the King’s Birthday now. It just is,” stated Brynden, talking about the public holiday and not November 14, the King’s actual birthday.
“You lot just go out of your way to be angry don’t you? What sort of sad person keeps involving themselves in a decision that has nothing to do with them and in no way causes them harm? I’ll leave you to think on that Lou.”