RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
This fine Masthead has had a long and storied past. Since its inception in the mid-1800’s, it has brought to the people some of the most incredible breaking news stories to have ever taken place in Australia and abroad.
But nothing could have prepared The Advocate for what is the most profound breaking news story to have ever occurred in the history of the human race, nay, in the history of all creatures to ever have existed in the entire multiverse.
The immensity of this remarkable breaking news story is such that we almost left it on the editing room floor, fearful of the powerful emotional impact it would have on our readers and society at large.
But how could the people of Australia continue to trust The Advocate if we began censoring ourselves from stories that speak directly to the beating heart of the human condition?
So kiss your loved ones, put your phone on silent and strap yourself in, because here is some unbelievable breaking news.
The Advocate has received information confirming that one of the 3,311 billionaires that walk this earth today as Gods amongst mere mortals has tweeted their opinion via Twitter.
“If tech keeps progressing at increasing rate, 20 years from now tech will be twice as good as today,” the Billionaire’s earth-shattering tweet read.
In response, the entire internet exploded into a cacophony of online debate with the speed of fast broadband, as millions of non-billionaires around the globe talked about the dull comment for ages.
World financial markets teetered on the brink of collapse as riots began in numerous cities, all in a vain attempt to discover the hidden, deeper meaning behind the Billionaire’s divine word.
In countries as far flung as Bhutan and Tasmania, millionaires, thousandaires and hundredaires gathered together with those in debt to contemplate the Billionaire’s tweet for ages.
For what seemed like an Age, everyone continued to talk about what the Billionaire said, to the point where anthropologists now believe humanity has entered into a new Age; the Billionairocene. The Age where billionaires, the most important people to have ever lived, can change the course of history with a single, devastating tweet.