The simmering tensions within the National Party of Australia have finally erupted today.

Convening for a morning meeting about how to avoid working for their constituents, tempers flared when some of the more right-wing members in the party suggested removing the filtered water tap.

It’s believed the suggestion to pull the tap off the kitchen counter came from George Christensen and Matt Canavan, who saw on Facebook that the taps are actually ‘sedative dosing stations’ to numb the minds of sheep.

They were also told by their media advisors that publically calling out the leftie filtered water taps would generate social media and traditional media traction.

So, as a result of the opportunity presented to them, all discussion about preparing for the impending mice plague or fighting for farmers to get the best result out of the inevitable Net Zero 2050 commitment was discarded for a heated debate about removing the water tap.

After initial pleas for the likes of Canavan to come to their senses, tempers flared before David Gillispie threw a punch.

The room then erupted into an all-in brawl, with punches, kicks, and furniture being thrown across the room.

“Fuck, who would have thought, David, the bloke based out of the Mid North Coast of NSW would know how to throw em,” laughed one party member who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity.

“He turtled George Christensen in a second and that just went to work.”

“Barnaby was trying to throw em too, but he’s just not as fit as he used to be.”

“Ended up just trying to break things up after realising the years have got away from him.”

“Anyway, the taps still there.”

“And we haven’t got any closer to publicly endorsing 2050 and making sure farmers don’t get fucked over for the sake of the big corporations who already figuring out ways to cash in on the transitioning economy.”

“Always eventful.”

More to come.


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