A local ‘Sesh Lord’ is turning heads this afternoon, hobbling into the front bar of a popular South Betoota establishment just in time for happy hour.

Sporting a tangled mullet and ripped pair of skinny denim jeans, part time bricklayer and well-known cannabis dealer Ayden Edwards (24), is believed to be sporting the outcomes of a recent emergency surgery.

Shuffling across the pub carpet with a right foot encased in a hospital moon boot, eyebrows were raised across the bar as patrons questioned how the hell a fully grown adult managed to break an ankle during the month of February.

“How the fuck does someone end up in hospital with literally nothing going on at the moment,” said Dennis O’Halloran, an onlooker betting in the sports lounge.

“It can’t be a snow skiing or a jet ski accident, cos no one’s been overseas in years.”

“It can’t be footy cos it’s not even pre-season yet…”

“The only logical explanation is Ayden’s been on one of his benders again and done himself a right number!”.

Speaking privately to The Advocate from the chair of his favourite pokie machine, Mr Edwards was rather evasive when questioned about the recent incident.

In between throaty coughs and long inhalations from his watermelon vape, The Advocate was able to ascertain the broken foot was the result of a rather vague weekend which may or may not have featured dirt bikes and fireworks.

“Yeah, fuck, like my boss reads this paper aye so like don’t print this…”, said Ayden.

“After my compo came through in Jan, I took a trip out to my mate Jai’s property for a week and yeah, stuff happened”.

Quizzed further about the incidents, Ayden slipped to The Advocate that the discovery of a number of old Jackass DVDs may have inspired some of the weekend’s antics, which also resulted in a third friend requiring surgery for a broken nose.

Taking rather heated advice from Ayden that “snitches get stitches”, The Advocate has no further information to report on the matter.

No more to come.


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