After years of creeping self-doubt that there was something severely defective about her personality, Olivia Wells [28] has finally managed to score herself some self-esteem points in the form of local concreter and new beau, Tom.

The validation she deeply craved, which she’d been unable to manifest herself through perhaps, putting the same amount of thought and effort into a hobby then she did on scoring a mate, had reportedly grown more urgent as Olivia ticked closer to thirty.

Pushed by her self imposed deadline, Olivia grew noticeably more anxious when her 28th birthday came and went, and she was no closer to scoring a potential hubby.

Despite hardly leaving the house outside of going to work and refusing to get on the dating app bandwagon, Olivia surprisingly managed to meet a solid bloke at a mutual friend’s dinner party, finding herself getting quickly engulfed by the warm embrace of mutual infatuation.

But unfortunately, Olivia got a classic case of ‘be careful what you wished for’ when she realised the newly formed partnership came with a whole new set of worries.

Speaking to our reporter over a cup of coffee, a bleary-eyed Olivia shares her latest stream of insecurities, which have managed to pinball from being ‘unlovable’ to worrying her boyfriend’s curt text messages must mean he’s bored of her already.

“Being in a relationship is bloody exhausting”, says Olivia, “I used to think it was stressful not having a partner”, says Olivia, “but having one is far worse.”

“The other day he took a little bit longer than normal to message me back and I thought something was wrong. I immediately traced back everything I’d said or done that morning to work out if I’d fucked up somewhere.”

“I thought maybe now that the honeymoon phase was on the way out or that he was put off because I accidentally let out a fart the other day.”

“Turns out he was just taking a shit.”

More to come.


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