Australia has returned serve in a souring EU trade deal by letting those continentals know they will no longer be able to sell cheese from the Bega region if they keep this up.

At the time of writing, a potential trade deal between Australia and the European Union has stalled as the EU is insisting that any deal would have to include that Australian producers can no longer be allowed to use names such as ‘feta’ or ‘prosecco’ to sell their feta or prosecco.

Sometimes called protected designation of origin (PDO), these rules, which are in no way gatekeeping, ensure that the region where products such as cheese and wine originated get to have a complete global monopoly on the product name.

Not only to protect the jobs of the descendants of the original producers, PDO style laws are used to help consumers enjoy a historical amount of recipe authenticity as many imitation products (such as those made in Australia) don’t taste as good when they are not made with water from the original well human ears were once nailed to in order to send a message the other communists.

However, our big-little island that could will not be talked down to by hoighty-toighty Europeans who have the nerve to think we don’t understand PDO while Bega cheese is literally right there on a tasting board next to some D’Orsogna region cabanossi.

“Think I’m starting to understand the whole Brexit thing now,” stated Australian trade minister Don Farrell while enjoying a delightfully fresh string of cheese from the NSW Bega region.

“They just don’t get our culture & cuisine. Over here, you call the food various names in different regions, you argue about what the correct name is on the internet, waste your own and somebody else’s time, make a tit of yourself, change 0 minds and do the same thing again three weeks later.”

“It’s just classic European shit, even their food hates foreigners.” 

At the time of writing, the federal government state they have no plans to go knock on the doors of a 3rd generation family owned feta producer and tell them their pappous’s feta recipe is now a crumbly white cheese recipe but state they might get CUB to quit it with that Great Northern ‘Beer From Up Here’ shit.

“I’ll see if I can’t work something out for the people of Griffith and get one of those DOCGs for Passion Pop.”


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