Australians young and old, mostly old, have today come together to remember the life and times of a man who wanted nothing to do with us.

Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh and husband of Queen Elizabeth II, has officially carked it, the royal family announced last night.

The world’s most high profile plus-1 was aged 99, just short of the full ton.

Known for his sensationally red hot cultural gaffes and military service, Prince Philip is remembered for his undying resentment towards the mere idea of having to visit our antipodean backwater colony.

Even though he made more trips to our country than his wife ever did, it is not lost on Australians that the Duke Of Edinburg hated every minute that his unblemished feet spent on our soil.

Despite this, hundreds of thousands – maybe even millions – of New Idea readers have been left heartbroken by the passing of the most discreetly Greek man to ever step foot in Melbourne.

Predatory media outlets have since turned their attention to the feelings and facial expressions of his wayward grandson’s wife, for some reason.

Tributes are today flowing right across Australia, as grown adults make a point of acknowledging the existence of the most uninvested man to ever make a racist joke about the First Nations tribes his wife’s family decimated with their colonialist desires.

His great grandson is black.

No matter what anyone else in his family wants to think.

More to come.


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