Lonely bartender/glassie Lauren Childs was once again subjected to the distant sounds of laughter coming from the smoking area.

The socially awkward hospo worker had tried her hardest to fit in with the Shifty Hen crew but unfortunately for her, most of the bonding activities seemed to occur during the routine smoke breaks.

Lauren reckons that even though the bar was a tight ass on all other fronts, the hourly smokos were heavily encouraged by the managerial staff.

“Seems a bit like discrimination to me”, says Lauren.

“I don’t get any extra breaks because I don’t smoke.”

“Once I asked the manager if I could pop out for some fresh air. Looked at me like I’d grown another head.”

After a solid month of being designated the worst tasks, Lauren says she’d seriously considered either chucking in the towel or taking up the filthy habit.

She reckons that despite regularly coming into contact with various strains of E. coli, it was the constant inside jokes that packed the biggest punch.

“I have no fucking idea what’s going on half the time”, says Lauren as she shoves a gloved hand up the u-bend of a blocked toilet.

“Had a whole week where everyone just mooed at each other.”

“This week’s thing is slut dropping whenever someone asks for Fireball.” “You ever tried laughing at a joke you’re not involved in? Don’t rate it.”

The final blow occurred when a newly employed bartender, trained by Lauren, was immediately accepted into the group after only one week of working there.

“I kind of hoped I’d have an ally when the new chick started working.”

“Knew I was screwed when she pulled out the rollies.”

“She’s already got a nickname too, bloody ‘Lozza.”

The Advocate can confirm that Lauren did end up taking up smoking and has since been invited to several beach outings and a bush doof.

Lauren reckons that even though she now has chronic asthma and early signs of gout, her overall health and wellbeing was a small price to pay for acceptance.


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