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Former Prime Minister Uncle Tony X has decided to risk a possible parole violation by chartering a government aeroplane to Dubbo so that he can catch the final rounds of the 2018 Koori Knock Out.
This follows a whirlwind month for Uncle Tony, ever since he was gifted the role of Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs by Scott Morrison MP, after bungling an attempt at getting his mate Peter Dutton to take over from his arch-nemesis Malcolm Turnbull.
“That’s what you get on the big jobs aye” says the man formerly known as Tony Abbott, but now refuses to go by anything except Tony X, following his rapid transformation into a staunch advocate for radical black nationalism.
After spending a week in prison without charge after being arrested for public nuisance, converting to Islam, and realising that statistically he only has eight more years to live, Uncle Tony X says days like today’s are a good a escape from the easily preventable health issues and systemic racism he faces each day as a proud Northern Beaches elder.
“I just wanna make sure I catch G.I [Souths Sydney Rabbitohs Star Greg Inglis] playing” he said.
“Would love to see how he plays in a proper NSW team, naaah”
“Probably coulda driven out here from Canberra but thought I’d go full Liberal Party ways and get the jet. Let us know if you need a ride cuz [hahaha]”