ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Because he doesn’t live in a diseased hellhole in the icy south of the country, a know-it-all city worker in Brisbane is at the pub this afternoon regaling his workmates in why the Evergrande debt crisis in China is going to fuck everything.

John Frum, a 26-year-old network architect, was also the office go-to when the so-called “coronavirus” came to our shores to fuck everything.

But that was then and the virus hates the heat, so has left the fine state of Queensland alone and decided to punish the people of New South Wales and Victoria for their poor hand hygiene and decrepit living conditions.

“This bloody Evergrande debacle has all the makings of a sino-Lehmann Brothers,” he said.

He then nodded to the office junior at the bar with the company card.

“Bloody reminds me of the virus that’s devastating the developing parts of Australia. You know it hates the heat and we Queenslanders always keep our distance. Do you boys want to get any packets?”

“We’ll just bang ’em on the company, hey?”

The office junior came back with four schooners on a tray and the company card between his teeth.

“Jesus Christ, mate! There’s a fucking pandemic on. And why do you have a tray? Show me your hands. Holy fuck, they’re fucking tiny, mate. Are you fucking imbred? [sic] Where are you from?”

The office junior indicated he was from Adelaide.

“Yuck, cunt! Get your tiny South Australian teeth off my card!”

“Anyway, back to what I was saying. This Evergreen [sic] shit, mate, it’s going to fuck us. If Ol’ Jinping lets them fold, there’s going to be thousands and thousands of property investors playing Twister under a lot of buses around the country. It’ll be fucken grim, mate,”

“Anyway, cheers boys!”

More to come.


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