ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An East Coast hippopotamus has asked the people who are still ripping her skin off and putting her in their wardrobes to please stop because she is no longer thirsty.

The Thirty Hippo has invoked the love of Jesus Christ, the popular but drama-loving son of universe boss, God, when she called on Australians to find someone else to suck the moisture out of the air.

“I have sucked all I can suck,” said the Hippo.

“And I have nothing left to give. It’s just been too moist.”

Hippo is referring to the repeated East Coast Low-Pressure Systems that have made sure summer was cancelled and drenched areas in South East Queensland and the New South Wales Northern Rivers.

For months now, people with a high disposable income and clothes worth saving have been putting the Hippo in places where moisture in the air can cause mould to grow on surfaces.

Mr Christ was quick to support the Hippo today in a short phone call with The Advocate, telling our reporter that while his dad is pretty much responsible for this because it’s all part of his plan but He is not His father.

“Oh man, you should just be glad He isn’t your Dad, man,” said Mr Christ.

“He’s had it in for the east coast of Australia for a while. I think He’s still a bit upset about you guys being so kind and accomodating to the Hillsong Church. He still can’t believe you don’t tax them for the corporation they are. Like honestly,”

“But yeah, look. I’ve had a chat with Him and He’s pretty keen on an unseasonably cold winter, too, so I guess you guys might have to suck eggs for a little while yet. But totally man, Hippo and I have talked it out and she might get some time off in the few weeks. She’s a good product man, one of my Dad’s greatest inventions.”

More to come.


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