ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The ageing terrace house dwellers that control what we local content we see and hear in this country are happy to keep working well into their 70s today after the Federal Government turned the arts funding tap back on after a decade of neglect.

Despite promises from the Arts Minister Tony Burke that this $300m iteration of arts funding in this country will be “less elitist” than the previous government but stopped short of asking for regime change.

Explaining to the media in Betoota today, Mr Burke made the concession that it’s almost impossible to have an arts sector in this country without having well heeled inner city Baby Boomers at the top of the pyramid.

“I understand that under the previous government that there was a lot of rot in government organisations in the arts,” he said.

“That rot is critical to the function of the arts in this country. That’s an unfortunate fact of life. Why do you think this country remakes everything in a 25-year cycle?”

“This government anticipates that by the end of our first term in power, we will have a full remake of The Castle ready for everyone to enjoy. It will be a modern interpretation of the classic. If we didn’t have old people at the top, we wouldn’t be in for treats such as that.”

The classic remake of The Castle was confirmed by Film Diamantina chair Wally Longwalk, who said he’s fighting for it to be made in Windorah.

The 71-year-old film industry veteran told The Advocate that this version will be “grittier” and use “the outback” as some sort of metaphysical character.

“The Castle is a classic film that’s ripe for a modern spruce up,” he said.

“Instead of breeding greyhounds, Darryl Kerrigan could blood them with possums or kill the slow ones with hammer and use a grey Fergie and a post hole digger to dispose of the bodies. Like every Australian production, we need the outback and we human misery,”

“Con Petropoulous might have to take matters into his own hands and kill the judge? We’re working it out now but I’m going to stay on in my job to make sure my unique vision for this project shines through,”

“Oh, and I’ll white ant anyone who gets in my way.”

More to come.


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