ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The dash is illuminated this evening inside the Prime Ministerial BMW 7-Series after out-going Prime Minister Scott Morrison gave it one last gutful of E10 petrol before he has to give the keys back to the Department.

A number of bongs and chimes, as well as warning lights, have come to life next to the speedo as the onboard computer struggles to work out what it’s been fed and why the engine is knocking harder than horny Mormon.

“It always does this,” said the Prime Minister.

“But I’m not putting 98 in it. It’s near $3 a litre, I’m not on the big bucks anymore. I can’t afford that.”

Mr Morrison went on to say that he’s put E10 in the thing “a few times” when he’s been caught with the engine light on and no company fuel card in the glovebox.

“To get reimbursed from the department is a real bitch. You need to send them the e-receipt, they won’t take a paper one, and then it can be up to 8 weeks until you get your money back. 8 pay cycles. So yeah, a few times I’ve put E10 in her and she’s not liked it but it is what it is,” he said.

When asked if he thought it was particularly petty that he only put E10 in it because he wouldn’t be driving it again, Morrison said he didn’t care what people thought.

“He’ll probably trade this thing in for a rickshaw, which he’ll have to pull while Adam Bandt and the Ladys of Teal whip him with an extension cord or something. Maybe hit him on the bum with a set of jumper cables. Because that’s the reality of what his government will be,” said Morrison.

“Look, you’ll come to view me one day as just being a bit of a bloke out of his depth with a heart of gold. But look at it this way, Albo, Adam Bandt, Barnaby and I all slide our RMs under the same table inside the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge. We all love our creature comforts,”

“But yeah, I’d get the valves and injectors looked at in this thing. She’s had a lot of E10 and the manual says do not put E10 in it.”

More to come.


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