TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

A third-year Liberal Arts major has swanned into the St Anthony’s College common room today with an air of unfounded arrogance about her. Felicity Ettelman then proceeded place herself amongst the first-year students, or as she calls them “fresher scum”.

“Guys, welcome to St Anthony’s, hopefully you can handle it [haha]” Felicity said to the eager freshmen.

“So, how was O-week?”

The freshers all looked at each other before one responded, “Uh, it was ok I guess. I think it was pretty tame compared to previous years.”

“Oh really? Did you have to do hotties?” she asked, clearly itching to share her own story about smashing hotties, or hot-shots as they’re more widely known.

“Umm I don’t think so, what are those?”

“OMG, you don’t know what a hot-shot is? That’s so cute!” Felicity patronised. She then launched into an explanation of a hot-shot, even though the majority of the freshers knew what a hot-shot was, they just didn’t call them ‘hotties’.

“Well, it’s when you smash a cone, that’s a bong, and then hold in the smoke, have a shot and then blow out the smoke”

“I used to do so many when I was a fresher, ahhh, I can’t believe you guys haven’t done them”

“I once did 5 in a row, I think it’s the college record or something”

What Felicity failed to mention to the freshers is that after doing the 5 hot-shots, she greened out and spent the next 10 hours crying and vomiting on the floor of the college showers.

It’s believed another student is going to tell the freshers how Felicity’s story really ended.

More to come.


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