EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A groundbreaking new study has confirmed what many suspected: Pokie machines, often viewed as a plague to RSLs nationwide, are in fact just hypnotic dancing fruit videos for the elderly.
Leading researchers at the Betoota Polytechnic found that retirees aren’t actually engaging in traditional gambling at all, but rather enjoying the simple pleasure of watching cherries and sevens spin to an upbeat jingle – just like babies.
“We expected to uncover troubling patterns of gambling addiction,” said lead researcher Dr. Laura Cartwright, “but instead, we found that most pensioners think they’re just watching a fun little fruit-themed light show.”
Cartwright goes on to say that the young adult version of this phenomenon would be rave visuals, which strangely results in similar behaviour to those pumping away their life savings on the pokies, and babies fixated on colourful dancing fruit on the TV.
“Slack jaw, dilated pupils. An inability to perceive time.”
“It’s all the same.”
More to come.
