ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A new housing development on the fringes of Betoota has been described by residents as a soulless shithole, but locals agree it at least has one redeeming feature.
Despite complaints about the estate’s cramped layouts, zero tree coverage, dark roofs, flimsy construction and an alarming lack of infrastructure, the developers have made an effort to honour Australia’s sporting greats, with roads named after some of the nation’s most beloved athletes. Among them is Damien Martyn Cover Drive, a tribute to the “elegant and understated” strokeplay of the former Australian cricketer.
“They’re just trying to distract from the fact that all these houses are made of balsa wood, spit, and prayers,” said local resident Jake Peterson, whose home on The MCG Is A Road has already developed hairline cracks despite being completed six months ago.
Council records show other street names in the estate include Andrew Johns Chipenchase Crescent, Lauren Jackson Fadeaway Place, and Steven Bradbury Way, the latter sitting at the lowest point in the development and prone to flooding.
“Look, I hate living here,” said first-home buyer Prakash Padukone.
“There’s no public transport, no footpaths and the NBN hasn’t been connected yet. I’m using Starlink but I’m on town water. But every time I turn into Jeremy Paul Side Doggy Street, I think… yeah, that’s pretty cool. Pretty cool for my first home, anyway. I want a big house on Matt Dunning Brain Explosion Road by the time I retire.”
Developers have defended the estate, calling it “a vibrant new community” and confirming future stages will feature streets named after sporting legends and Olympic gold medalists, provided the sign printing costs remain within budget.
More to come.
