ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has all but put his feet up until Glasgow now after, in his own words, he’s headed the cats home and got our plan for Net Zero by 2050 over the line.

Speaking to the media this afternoon from the “bloody Kingo” down the road from Parliament House, Scott Morrison said now is the time for Australians all over the country to flick the switch on the back of their heads into holiday mode.

“Look,” said the PM as he swirled a schooner of soda, lime and bitters.

“I’m not one to rest on my laurels but I’ve just got the Nationals to bite off the hand that feeds them. I reckon I deserve a break because of that,”

“But, there’s a bit of a catch as there always is. You’ll never know what we agreed to with the Nationals and you’ll never know what the Nationals agreed to. Again, because if you did know, then we’d look like a pack of hopeless cunts and now that Rupert’s all but made it clear he doesn’t fancy us in this race against Labor, we have to be seen to do something,”

“Anyway, it’s over. Our Australian cricketing heroes are currently at war in the T20 Cricket World Cup in, uh, Thailand? Or. No, it’s Yemen. Or Orman [sic]. Actually, let me get back to you on that. It’s somewhere where you get shot for bags or have your hands chopped off for stealing a packet of chips or something. Sounds like Perth in 2021! All right, I’ll stop,”

“It’s my shout and Barnaby has had a lot of sun today so his fuse is shorter than usual. Get a dog up yourself, guys.”

More to come.


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