EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A woman who was born post Shrek has had the audacity to talk shit about millennials today, despite her entire wardrobe consisting of fashion trends that were popular in the early 2000s and being a die hard fan of the mother of millennial cringe, Taylor Swift.
Meeting our reporter at a local cafe, Brittany Dawson, 25, explains why she thinks millennials are annoying, and what our generation can do to stop being so ‘cheugy.’
“I don’t know, they’re just so lame. Like I get it, you’re a Slytherin!”, says Brittany, ignoring the fact that most millennials have steered clear of Harry Potter for the past five years because of, well, you know, “Oooh I’m adulting, ooOhh doggos!”
Our reporter does agree that the whole doggos thing, is in fact, cringe. They can have that one.
“I just think millennials need to get over themselves. Like you’re not being random, you’re an adult woman who pays bills, GROW UP!”
Our reporter notes that Brittany is wearing baggy jeans, a crop top, a puka necklace and is carrying an old Coach bag, which appears to have a pair of twisted earphones poking out the top of it.
Upon closer inspection, our reporter also notes that Brittany looks a little bit…sad.
“They’re just so…so…”, her voice trails off, “it must have been nice…”
“I don’t know…growing up before technology. Being able to be young and innocent and not able to see all the horrors of the world every second of the day on a little screen. Getting shitfaced at a party without fear your most vulnerable moments will be shared online. Feeling hopeful of the future.”
“Maybe that’s why we find nostalgia so comforting. It reminds us of this age of innocence, where the internet was this fun little experiment. People created content because they wanted to. Nothing was monetised, there were no curated feeds and movies weren’t formulaic and created solely to generate hundreds of millions of dollars.”
“It must have been really beautiful, huh?
Our reporter smiles sadly and nods, while finishing the rest of her skinny cappuccino. Because she can’t start the day without having her cawfee.
More to come.
