LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A small town social media bubble has been swept with an eerie silence today as social media user Darren Noble (32) uploaded a picture of himself holding his baby, niece despite the fact he cannot even be trusted to operate a barbecue.
Despite holding down a job as a full-time drummer, Noble has somewhat of a reputation in his community for being a clown’s clown and is the only person to date in Australia to be charged for attempting to drive using his scrotum.
“Aw yeah that was funny as fuck,” laughed Noble, who for public safety reasons we must repeat, really shouldn’t be allowed near infants.
“Nut drives! Yeeeew!”
Thankfully, having not reproduced himself, Noble has limited experience around newborns, which makes it all the more troubling that his sister Sharon would allow her firstborn child to be held in the hands of a man who once tried to grubber kick a kebab.
“He’s excited to be an uncle,” stated Sharon.
“I haven’t seen him this happy since he got all four limbs taken out of a cast on the same day.”
At the time of writing, Noble states he is hosting a sausage sizzle for his new baby niece, as soon as he can figure out how to connect a gas canister to his BBQ that he has put off cleaning for the past 12 years.